


MONDAY MEMO

by tr1ptych



Category: The JAEGR Task Force
Genre: Emails, Gen, Spies & Secret Agents, The JAEGR Task Force - Freeform, Workplace
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-25
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-08-24 12:28:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8372296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tr1ptych/pseuds/tr1ptych
Summary: From The Desk of Director X:I hope the servers aren't down because I have a rather large number of announcements for the workplace.  Firstly, do not, under any circumstances, replace the sugar with granulated powdered cement ever again.- The JAEGR Task Force Monday Memo email chain -





	1. October 24th, 2016

**Author's Note:**

> This is the archive of The JAEGR Task Force email correspondence of all of the active agents and members of TR1PTYCH during the Bulletproof Elfscouts Secret Santa Exchange of 2016 (also known as ELFSCOUTS).
> 
> Updates and important information will be included with each update of the MONDAY MEMO as well as general conversation between the primary JAEGR members that display their personalities, communication, quirks, outside relationships, friendships, preferences, arguments, and other various behaviors that typically show up in work email bantering.
> 
> We hope these offer amusement as well as general information updates and relevant material. Happy reading.

 

 

 

 

 

Here it is.

You've found it.

 

 

On Mon, Oct 24, 2016 at 5:33 AM, Administrator P [administrator_p@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

  
Announcing commencement of the ELFSCOUTS' MONDAY MEMO where there will be updates, arguments, information, inside jokes, outside jokes, workplace disputes, and general material that you will probably find useful and a few tidbits you might not have thought you needed but suddenly you realize they're invaluable.

Internal Notice: Please note the attached waiver, which R is insisting everyone sign and return by the end of the day.   


**Public Relations & Project DUOS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

[ monday memo liability waiver.form ](https://goo.gl/forms/BghAZwrf7mriNTyA2)   


 

 

 

The first MONDAY MEMO is coming soon.

 


	2. OCTOBER 24th, 2016

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The First Monday Memo of ELFSCOUTS 2016.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from Agent M: To clarify, Q did all of the coding, so the emails read from top to bottom, unlike the traditional thread of bottom to top. Please read this top to bottom. If you want to read bottom to top, you may. You may also become extremely confused, but that's on you. 
> 
>  
> 
> Written by: The JAEGR Task Force  
> Directed by: The JAEGR Task Force  
> Performed by: The JAEGR Task Force  
> Edited by: Julie

  
****

# MONDAY MEMO

****

On Tues, Oct 25th, 2016 at 3:22 PM, Director X [director_x@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

10.24.2016

  


To all,

Good morning. Congratulations to the ELFSCOUTS Team for getting off the 2016 Initiative off the ground this past week and finalizing the project over the weekend. It appears everything is in order on the servers, communication lines, and in our underground WIRE network. Once again, it seems that we’ve been able to avoid disaster.

General Updates:

Tomorrow is the final day for recruits to submit their reports to #JEONGSINDAN. Division D.E.U.X is working on their final project that will be released tomorrow after the assignments officially are delivered for ELFSCOUTS. That way, there will be no scrambling and crash collisions, which are usually good to avoid unless they are intentional. In compliance with the agreement between the #PROJECT CYPHR team and D.E.U.X. (and the rest of us), the Final Installment is being put through its last revisions and will be released starting tomorrow.

Let’s all take a moment to appreciate all of their hard work.

  
  
  


Now that’s done, the new assignments for ELFSCOUTS have been proofed and are waiting automated dispersal. So far, we have a good number of agents who have volunteered to work with us this year and a number of emergency volunteers as well. They are waiting in the shadows but have reassured us they will present for service when called upon. DO NOT call upon them unless needed (we don’t need another UNIT 647 incident). After assignments, please do not contact field agents unless it is an emergency or _they contact you first_.

Whoever put up the cat calendar in the break room, it was a nice touch. We definitely needed something there after the “TOASTER INCIDENT” last month. Your generosity is appreciated, Anonymous Cat-Calendar Donor.

Administrator P and Doctor R have both informed me that their subprojects are still in the process of testing and evaluation and will not be ready for public release until “they don’t feel like it will cause a war.” I am inclined to default to their wise judgement on these matters. I also want to acknowledge both of them for getting the TR1PTYCH Newsletter out and finalized.

If you have not done so already, stop by R&D and inform D, E, and U that they have been mostly successful in their BETA run. Remember, positive encouragement and mindset reinforcement is now a mandated standard in the workplace according to Operative Decree and Regulations. Failure to do so will result in incarceration in the Basement. No exceptions.

That is all for Monday Announcements.

Commander C, I need the ELFSCOUTS recruits and AGENTS list and their statistics on my desk by Tuesday Morning at 09:00. If it isn’t there, I’m putting the espresso machine in R’s labs as scrap metal.

  
  


Cordially,

Director X

**Executive Director**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Tues, Oct 25th, 2016 at 3:31 PM, Unit Q [unit_q@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Just in case anyone else thought they’d briefly entered a time vortex, sorry to disappoint. It is actually Tuesday, not Monday, and X hasn’t somehow mastered the time-space continuum. 

#Dreams-don’t-always-come-true

#Thankfully

\- Special Unit Q  
  
**#PROJECT Division** & **ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Tues, Oct 25th, 2016 at 3:34 PM, Doctor R [doctor_r@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

I just explained last week in the MEMO that the TS [Time-Space] Project hasn’t been passed through yet and given approval. It’s not my fault that the higher-ups won’t give me permission to start research and execution on the proposal. If I could have us alter space-time, you know I would.

In case no one read the email sent out yesterday, I need you all to complete that waiver. It’s actually important this time and I’m being serious.

I promise. I have also attached it again here just in case anyone can't locate the last email.

-Doctor R  
  
**Executive of R &D**  
Public Relations  
Project BABEL  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


[ monday memo liability waiver.form ](https://goo.gl/forms/BghAZwrf7mriNTyA2)  


On Tues, Oct 25th, 2016 at 3:35 PM, Agent M [agent_m@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

The emails are scrolling in reverse order, from top to bottom. Does this show up for anyone else? 

\- Agent M

**ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Tues, Oct 25th, 2016 at 3:35 PM, Commander C [commander_c@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Okay, thank you for a wonderful memo! Yes, once again ELFSCOUTS seems to be off to a roaring start and everyone who has been involved should be extremely proud and pleased with the results. It seems that both the field agents and the outer support Network are much more chipper and full of spunky Spartan fighting spirit. I cannot wait to see how all of them turn out and what they end up depositing on our doorstep this year.

However, X, I would like to point out that this MEMO just went out this afternoon, and it is Tuesday. There is no way I could have delivered those reports to you this morning. How dare you threaten Herbert? Where is he?

-Commander C  
  
**Commander and Chief of ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Tues, Oct 25th, 2016 at 3:38 PM, Unit Q [unit_q@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

C: But time is an illusion.

R: Did you just challenge X's authority? P.S. Can you please send Julie or me the next chapter of the #havemercy/Merlin crossover you were working on? Or is it still not done?

\- Special Unit Q  
  
**#PROJECT Division** & **ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Tues, Oct 25th, 2016 at 3:40 PM, Doctor R [doctor_r@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

C: I promise that I won't do anything to Herbert that will irrevocably damage his internal mechanisms (if you complete the waiver by tonight). I cannot, however, speak for D. You know how it is.

Q: Patience is a virtue.

-Doctor R  
  
**Executive of R &D**  
Public Relations  
Project BABEL  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Tues, Oct 25th, 2016 at 3:45 PM, Commander C [commander_c@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Quintin, don't you dare start. You have yet to redeem yourself in my good graces since the "TOASTER INCIDENT" (I still cannot believe you and Julie didn't realize that was a bad idea. Shame on you both). As a side note, you're all welcome for the cat calendar. It was R's gift to me last year and I figured we could all enjoy it, especially considering I don't have enough room on my wall with the kill lists and my Pangolin calendar (Again, thank you, P, for the thoughtful birthday present).

X & R: Please make note that I will not tolerate another espresso machine being turned into a hydraulics containment cooler for another mobile nuclear warhead.

-Commander C  
  
**Commander and Chief of ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Tues, Oct 25th, 2016 at 3:47 PM, Director X [director_x@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

C: You didn't hand in the reports. I pay for the espresso machines. I do what I please with them. Plus, R got her reports to me.

R: Please CC me into the update you send Julie and Q. I hope you killed Rook in this one.

To All: This is not a gossip thread. Please use the messenger or the comms to talk to each other about menial things.

  


Cordially,

\- Director X

**Executive Director**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Tues, Oct 25th, 2016 at 3:49 PM, Administrator P [administrator_p@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

I hope everyone has read the newsletter and filled out the waiver! Also, +1 on X's point. This isn't a social column. We have a social column. On our website, which none of you apparently bother with (shame).

That being said, please CC me in too.

\- Administrator P

**Public Relations & Project DUOS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Tues, Oct 25th, 2016 at 3:55 PM, Commander C [commander_c@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

X: If I submit the reports by this evening, will you rescue the espresso machine? I'm also going to report you for abuse of power for being a hypocrite, because we just can't tolerate that behavior in the office :) 

-Commander C  
  
**Commander and Chief of ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Tues, Oct 25th, 2016 at 3:58 PM, Unit Q [unit_q@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

C: There isn't nearly enough praising going on, C. You know that only excessive flattery works with X.

R! Just wanted to let you know that I completed the waiver and actually think it's an excellent idea and I'm totally in as a willing test subject. I may not be around earlier on because I still have to wrap up the project with D.E.U.X that I promised I'd help them on, and Julie and I still need to finish working on our collab, but after that, I'm free as a falcon (aside from ELFSCOUTS). 

\- Special Unit Q  
  
**#PROJECT Division** & **ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Tues, Oct 25th, 2016 at 4:02 PM, Commander C [commander_c@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

I'll fight my own battles, Quentin. 

X: Please, please, pretty please with sugar and a bit of arsenic will you rescue my espresso machine from R's and D's metal hands?

R: I took a look at the waiver and submitted it. I'm not sure if I'll be able to contribute to the proposal, but I will definitely keep you informed if that changes. Either way, good luck with it!

-Commander C  
  
**Commander and Chief of ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Tues, Oct 25th, 2016 at 4:10 PM, Director X [director_x@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

C: I'll think about it.

To all: Fill out Doctor R's waiver. If there isn't 100% participation by 22:00, I'm calling F and G back in for workshops again.

  


Cordially,

\- Director X

**Executive Director**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Tues, Oct 25th, 2016 at 4:15 PM, Agent M [agent_m@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

To clarify, it's Tuesday. Not Monday. 

\- Agent M

**ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Tues, Oct 25th, 2016 at 4:17 PM, Unit Q [unit_q@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

M, I HAVE MISSED YOU AND YOU'RE VERY RELEVANT CONTRIBUTIONS TO THESE MEMOS! IT IS SO DELIGHTFUL TO HAVE YOU BACK WITH YOUR INSIGHTFUL OBSERVATIONS AND CONSTRUCTIVE COMMENTARY! I CANNOT WAIT TO HEAR WHAT OTHER EXISTENTIAL CRISIS-INDUCING TIDBITS YOU HAVE IN STORE FOR US.

X: Okay, but what if we just bring back F anyway? I mean, she was great to have in the office full time, and with Cardboard J, it is kind of quiet. I am just saying I'd be 100% fine with her coming back.

\- Special Unit Q  
  
**#PROJECT Division** & **ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Tues, Oct 25th, 2016 at 4:28 PM, Commander C [commander_c@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Dearest, most darling, X,

The reports have been submitted and are both in your inbox and in hard copy on your desk. I thought I might deliver them to your tablet, but I figured two places of delivery would suffice. I kindly request the return of Herbert, my espresso machine, to my desk post-haste in his proper functioning condition and I vow to bring in some of those gluten-free, dairy-free, egg-free, castin-free, nut-free pastries you told me were edible last week with some homemade mango-cayenne chutney (I just made a batch last night). I hope you have a pleasant remainder of the day~ ۹⌤_⌤۹

R: If you hurt Herbert, I'm never editing another one of your crossovers again. Even if it does have Mercutio as a main character.

-Commander C  
  
**Commander and Chief of ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Tues, Oct 25th, 2016 at 4:41 PM, Doctor R [doctor_r@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

C: On a scale of 1 - M when an agent is M.I.A., how mad will you be if Herbert now doubles as a particle accelerator?

To all: Thank you so much to everyone who signed the waiver and got back to me (which is all of you). I'll send out a full email with extensive details tomorrow after D and I clean up the walls.

-Doctor R  
  
**Executive of R &D**  
Public Relations  
Project BABEL  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Tues, Oct 25th, 2016 at 4:50 PM, Commander C [commander_c@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

R: As long as he still makes me the black nectar of life, I'm fine with him doubling as a gamma-ray production component (so long as it is stable).

-Commander C  
  
**Commander and Chief of ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Tues, Oct 25th, 2016 at 4:59 PM, Doctor R [doctor_r@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

C: Herbert is stable, though he may not make steamed milk as expertly as he had done before.

-Doctor R  
  
**Executive of R &D**  
Public Relations  
Project BABEL  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Tues, Oct 25th, 2016 at 5:15 PM, Agent M [agent_m@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

You do all realize that this is a thread for information and not chatting. Please redirect to the 'social' page on the website, as P suggested, if you want to continue chats. This is not the place for chatting and it's irritating hearing all the notifications going off.

Q: Your request has been denied.

\- Agent M

**ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Tues, Oct 25th, 2016 at 5:36 PM, Unit Q [unit_q@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

M: Which request? The one where I asked for more contribution from you or to have F come back? These are very important things to clarify.

\- Special Unit Q  
  
**#PROJECT Division** & **ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Tues, Oct 25th, 2016 at 5:55 PM, Director X [director_x@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

To all: Due to the Gamma-Ray pollution and contamination field from Herbert, we ask that all Teams and Divisions please migrate to the Basement until our clean-up crew has finished. D, E, and U will take full control of the upper levels of TR1PTYCH during this temporary evacuation to our basement. Please keep in mind while in the Basement not to touch any of the substances or to disturb the large glass canisters in the back, especially by shining lights into their murky depths. This is for your own protection.

Further updates will be given over the comms and messengers until the upper levels are cleared and a safe work environment is restored. Until that time, please make your way calmly and quietly to the Basement.

Q: You don't even like lattes?

  


Cordially,

\- Director X

**Executive Director**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Tues, Oct 25th, 2016 at 6:47 PM, Unit Q [unit_q@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

X: JULIE REALLY WANTED ONE.

\- Special Unit Q  
  
**#PROJECT Division** & **ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  



	3. October 31st, 2016

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Second Monday Memo of Elfscouts 2016

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from Agent M: To clarify, Q did all of the coding, so the emails read from top to bottom, unlike the traditional thread of bottom to top. Please read this top to bottom. If you want to read bottom to top, you may. You may also become extremely confused, but that's on you. 
> 
>  
> 
> Written by: The JAEGR Task Force  
> Directed by: The JAEGR Task Force  
> Performed by: The JAEGR Task Force  
> Edited by: Intern J

  
****

# MONDAY MEMO

****

On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 9:04 AM, Director X [director_x@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

10.31.2016

  


To all,

Good Morning.

As some of you know, due to the breakdown of Herbert and the Gamma Ray contamination from last week’s misuse of beverage machines, the office currently is void of all coffee making machines. The answer is still no. I am not buying Herbert 2.0. Stop asking.

To begin with, today marks the last day of Jeongsindan, led by Division D.E.U.X., and their final day of posting: All Hallows Eve. Today we are paying respects not only to the dead who may, in some cases, still walk among us, but to the hard work and dedication of D.E.U.X. for their completion of the successful BETA TEST RUN. It was a success and we are all very proud of them. It is obligatory, no questions.

Final emails to participants for Jeongsindan will be sent out tomorrow, All Hallows Day (Nov. 1), regarding final words and conclusive remarks. After this, Jeongsindan will be concluded and retired until it’s return next year. In accordance with the rules of the collection, prompts may still be claimed and filled until the next round of Jeongsindan, but the anonymity will be suspended.

This means that yes, if you claim the prompt about clairvoyance vs. schizophrenia, R, please stop asking me about it. I have other things to do with my time, like make sure none of you are dead permanently.

In concurrence with Jeongsindan, this year’s CODA, the Project compilation, has finally been posted and revealed. We are all grateful to Special Unit Q for tackling the dirty work on that one and getting it completed before we deleted the files in our routine yearly reboot. The final addition, a last summary of CODA, will be posted in one week, on November 7th. If you still don’t understand CODA and Team CYPHR hasn’t bored you to death explaining it over and over, F has put together a concise explanation. I have attached it to the Memo.

CODA is now over. It is never coming back. We have other Projects that require our time and attention now.

Moving on, with the return of ELFSCOUTS this year, we are once more looking at the return of the Scout Cards. More information will be delivered on that during the check in period but the ELFSCOUTS team will be working to assemble information and material concerning the initial bonus feature of the assignments shortly. The Cookie Acquisition Project is also being put back together - special thanks to R for looking into that so quickly. More details will be released on that shortly (once R updates the website. This is a passive aggressive statement).

That is all the news for the current events and Projects.

We have some new staff joining us this year. The first addition is a new member who will be joining us shortly to assist in the Spring Project Series, primarily since Q has been promoted to work on ELFSCOUTS full time. Welcome this new member. No injuries are allowed this time.

We are still conducting field placement tests for a replacement for Cardboard J. Since the accident last week during which the sprinkler system was activated, we have all become aware of the soggy demise of Cardboard J. Currently, we have a number of interns that are being tested as his replacement.

No one touch the interns. The are for giving tasks to, not using for experimental research.

Again, no, I will not be purchasing another coffee machine. Stop asking, as I clearly don’t care. And no loud music.

Please complete the interactive QUIZ attached so D.E.U. don’t shut down the servers again passive aggressively because no one remembered them. They are important, too. Do the quiz.

That is all for Monday Announcements.

  
  


Cordially,

Director X

**Executive Director**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

[ Project Preparedness Questionnaire.form ](https://goo.gl/forms/NvsfDexbiGvGxtS42)

On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 9:07 PM, Doctor R [doctor_r@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Wait, what do you mean you’re not getting another coffee machine? I signed a contract. There were terms to that contract.

Also, yes, I am working on the website. I can’t help that Herbert took out an entire wall of my labs in R&D. I’m busy, X. I can’t just spend all day bossing people around in my office.

-Doctor R  
  
**Executive of R &D**  
Public Relations  
Project BABEL  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 9:10 PM, Unit Q [unit_q@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Okay, but no. No. You can’t just take away the coffee machines. Not all of us have a thermos and friendly baristas that make them extra coffee orders at Starbucks. Not all of us even have a Starbucks near us. Or a local coffee roaster and cafe. Or even have access to coffee outside of this office. Not all of us survive on those wheat grass healthy smoothers. Not all of us HAVE SECRET STASHES OF CHOCOLATE COVERED ESPRESSO BEANS IN THEIR DESKS FOR EMERGENCIES LIKE THIS.

I refuse to accept that you won’t bring in Herbert 2.0. I thought we were friends.

The one thing I at least expect when I come to work, considering I can’t expect to be valued anyway, what with only being promoted to ‘Special’ meaning I just get more work to do and you all treat me the same. What’s up with that? I thought I meant something to you?

But that’s fine, apparently, because now we have someone _else_ to take over the Project and steal all the glory. Who mastered CODA and basically did all the grutt work behind it?

AND YOU WON’T EVEN GIVE ME COFFEE. DESPICABLE.

\- Special Unit Q  
  
**#PROJECT Division** & **ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 9:12 PM, Agent M [agent_m@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

You got a promotion to “SPECIAL UNIT” within a year of working. Like Hell you’re not appreciated, son.

\- Agent M

**ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 9:13 PM, Unit Q [unit_q@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

I AM NOT YOUR OFFSPRING STOP CALLING ME THAT, OLD MAN.

\- Special Unit Q  
  
**#PROJECT Division** & **ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 9:17 PM, Director X [director_x@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

I’m your boss. That’s the difference. Also, for clarification, the entire Force worked on CODA and you volunteered to write it. I don’t care that you were drunk when you did, you chose to be drunk in the first place.

Q, your words. Watch them.

R, I do not appreciate that comment.

Herbert was our seventh coffee machine. No more.

  


Cordially,

\- Director X

**Executive Director**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 9:22 PM, Emissary S [emissary_s@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Damn, X, that’s cold. Though seven coffee machines does seem like a lot. Shouldn’t that come out of paychecks?

\- Emissary S

**PROJECT 2017**  
The New Guy  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 9:24 PM, Administrator P [administrator_p@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Look, S, sweetheart. I know you’re new here and still learning the ropes and coding programs, but please shut up. Don’t give X ideas. He has enough on his own and honestly I don’t like most of them.

\- Administrator P

**Public Relations & Project DUOS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 9:26 PM, Director X [director_x@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Excuse me? If you have an issue with me, please confront me in person. Uphold your own honor in the face of bloodshed.

  


Not so cordially,

\- Director X

**Executive Director**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 9:28 PM, Unit Q [unit_q@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Okay, first of all, FIRST of all, you don’t even officially work here yet, S, so shut up.

Second of all, YOU DON’T EVEN WORK HERE, S. YOU HAVE ZERO AUTHORITY ON THE ISSUE OF THE COFFEE MACHINES AND ANYTHING ELSE THAT GOES ON IN TR1PTYCH UNTIL YOU’RE AN OFFICIAL ACTIVE _MEMBER_ OF ONE OF THE PROJECTS. SO KEEP YOUR SMART ASS IDEAS TO YOURSELF IF YOU KNOW WHAT’S GOOD FOR YOU.

\- Special Unit Q  
  
**#PROJECT Division** & **ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 9:29 PM, Emissary S [emissary_s@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Woah, bro. Chill. Seriously.

\- Emissary S

**PROJECT 2017**  
The New Guy  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 9:30 PM, Unit Q [unit_q@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME. YOU DON’T EVEN GO HERE.

\- Special Unit Q  
  
**#PROJECT Division** & **ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 9:33 PM, Commander C [commander_c@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I’m so late in seeing the Memo. That’s what happens when you lose your coffee machine espresso lover to a Gamma Ray modified component that destroys half of HQ ＼(;ﾟ∇ﾟ)/

X, thank you so much for the concise and, in some places, slightly terse informative email about this week and everything that’s going on. Yes! We do indeed have both the Scout Cards and the Cookies on the planning board, and R’s survey from last week was _super_ helpful on getting statistics and information on those details! Thank you, R!

Goodness, I didn’t expect to see everyone so, well, out of sorts this morning. Is it the coffee? I honestly feel bad saying this, considering that I’ve been holding back all this time as I watch your slow decay and suffer in silence. However, the time has come for you all to finally address your withdrawal symptoms and caffeine addictions. It’s become serious. (Q, I can’t believe you yelled at S. He’s new and therefore we have to try not to haze him viciously. Please at least try to put in an effort, darling. Make friends, not dark deeds you will regret in the future late at night when you’re crippled with guilt-caused insomnia.)

On a brighter note, the results of the liability waiver’s cookie question were quite interesting, and I’ve snuck the partial results out of the lab to share with you all. Yes is the only answer, after all. Ta for now~

-Commander C  
  
**Commander and Chief of ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


[](http://i.imgur.com/T8iUATe.png) [](http://i.imgur.com/4mHXvgc.png)

On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 9:35 PM, Unit Q [unit_q@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

C, how dare you take his side? This is betrayal. Utmost betrayal. I cannot believe you. He _started_ it!

\- Special Unit Q  
  
**#PROJECT Division** & **ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 9:37 PM, Emissary S [emissary_s@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Bro, I don’t start fights. I end them, or I watch them for my own personal amusement and place bets.

\- Emissary S

**PROJECT 2017**  
The New Guy  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 9:38 PM, Unit Q [unit_q@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Look, _PAL_. I am _NOT_ your “Bro.”

\- Special Unit Q  
  
**#PROJECT Division** & **ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 9:39 PM, Emissary S [emissary_s@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Sure, Pal. Whatever.

\- Emissary S

**PROJECT 2017**  
The New Guy  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 9:40 PM, Doctor R [doctor_r@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

I’ll address my coffee addiction when you address yours, C. It’s not like we don’t all know about that stash of instant korean coffee sticks you keep in your desk for emergencies. That or the premium blend you get from that snobby coffee guy who makes individual brew packs. I know you have them, your whole desk smells like a cafe even when there’s no coffee there.

Either fork it over or confess, sister.

-Doctor R  
  
**Executive of R &D**  
Public Relations  
Project BABEL  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 9:42 PM, Unit Q [unit_q@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

I’m putting in a violation report. Today. I want S out. I can’t believe we hired him. He’s nothing but trouble and sass and he _never_ says nice things during the work meetings or has anything helpful to offer aside from sarcasm and jokes. We don’t need those, I already supply the regular quota, and the excess is just bad for our ratings.

I’m submitting this report _today_ , X. And I’m still so hurt.

\- Special Unit Q  
  
**#PROJECT Division** & **ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 9:39 PM, Emissary S [emissary_s@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Dude, okay, chill out. I went in the office once last week and barely talked to you. This is going to be one of those long lasting friendships, I can just smell it.

\- Emissary S

**PROJECT 2017**  
The New Guy  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 9:45 PM, Administrator P [administrator_p@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Q, sweetheart, you were part of the team that interviewed and hired S. You actually conducted and reviewed his application and submitted it to me and R saying, “I love this guy, we’re going to be best friends.” This is the lack of caffeine talking.

\- Administrator P

**Public Relations & Project DUOS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 9:46 PM, Doctor R [doctor_r@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

The plot thickens...

-Doctor R  
  
**Executive of R &D**  
Public Relations  
Project BABEL  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 9:49 PM, Commander C [commander_c@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Quinten, listen to P. They have a point. You were part of the team that hired S. Come up and see me soon so I can try to bring you to your senses. I have a few caffeine infused chocolates that might help, and if that doesn’t work, we always have the neuron massage therapy kit that X gave me last year for the Ides of March Gift Swap. We never did get to test it out :)

Plus, S is still the one that volunteered to go over CODA during its last stages and is still helping to put together the Director’s Cut. With you. For you. For everyone, and he doesn’t even officially work here yet.

-Commander C  
  
**Commander and Chief of ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 9:51 PM, Emissary S [emissary_s@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Hold up. I get it.

Q is being tsundere.

\- Emissary S

**PROJECT 2017**  
The New Guy  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 9:53 PM, Unit Q [unit_q@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

FIRE HIM. IF I HIRED HIM THEN I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO FIRE HIM ON PRINCIPAL.

\- Special Unit Q  
  
**#PROJECT Division** & **ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 9:54 PM, Director X [director_x@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Q, stop it. Immediately. Come see me in my office. S, you too.

  


\- Director X

**Executive Director**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 9:55 PM, Doctor R [doctor_r@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

I hope you’re calling Q up to give him coffee. You know he doesn’t get caffeine outside of work and only manages to function after he’s had his morning litre of coffee. Why else do you think we offer an IV down in R&D?

S, I don’t know you yet, and I can’t tell if I’m going to hate you or love you.

-Doctor R  
  
**Executive of R &D**  
Public Relations  
Project BABEL  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 9:56 PM, Emissary S [emissary_s@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

X, how can I come to the office when I’m not in the complex?

R, I’ll take that as a compliment.

\- Emissary S

**PROJECT 2017**  
The New Guy  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 9:58 PM, Unit Q [unit_q@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

X, I will be in the office shortly. I had to stop by M’s desk for a matter with the quiz. By the way, everyone needs to complete that and if you don’t, I’ll come and sit on _all_ of you _at the same time_ until you do so.

S, I am _not_ tsundere.

\- Special Unit Q  
  
**#PROJECT Division** & **ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 9:59 PM, Director X [director_x@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

NOW.

  


\- Director X

**Executive Director**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 10:02 PM, Commander C [commander_c@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

R. Okay, so, remember that betting pool from last year? 15 Units on Quintin and S. I pitch that they date.

-Commander C  
  
**Commander and Chief of ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 10:04 PM, Administrator P [administrator_p@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Oh my God, what? Girls, you have been holding out on me.

10 Units on a love triangle, though. Much more likely.

\- Administrator P

**Public Relations & Project DUOS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 10:06 PM, Agent M [agent_m@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

This is entirely inappropriate. Cease this conversation immediately or more it to a private channel. Why can’t you people follow regulations?

\- Agent M

**ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 10:11 PM, Commander C [commander_c@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Whoops! My bad! Sorry, M. R and I had a private email thread going and I mixed them up on accident. Sorry everyone for the confusion. Have a wonderful Monday morning!

-Commander C  
  
**Commander and Chief of ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 10:48 PM, Unit Q [unit_q@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

I AM NOT ONE OF YOUR FANFICS, C. THIS IS REAL LIFE. REAL LIFE AND REAL PEOPLE WITH REAL DISLIKE OF EACH OTHER AND PREMEDITATED MURDER IS A THING THAT EXISTS.

\- Special Unit Q  
  
**#PROJECT Division** & **ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 10:50 PM, Emissary S [emissary_s@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

I like it here. It’s exciting. I already have a boyfriend. Is that one of the perks or am I just special?

\- Emissary S

**PROJECT 2017**  
The New Guy  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Oct 31st, 2016 at 10:48 PM, Unit Q [unit_q@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

NO YOU DON’T.

C, I am never forgiving you for this. Never.

\- Special Unit Q  
  
**#PROJECT Division** & **ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  



	4. November 7th, 2016

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quarantine Notice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from Agent M: To clarify, Q did all of the coding, so the emails read from top to bottom, unlike the traditional thread of bottom to top. Please read this top to bottom. If you want to read bottom to top, you may. You may also become extremely confused, but that's on you.
> 
>  
> 
> Written by: The JAEGR Task Force  
> Directed by: The JAEGR Task Force  
> Performed by: The JAEGR Task Force  
> Edited by: Julie

 

# MONDAY MEMO

On Mon, Nov 07th, 2016 at 10:04 AM, Director X [director_x@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

To all,

We have now entered flu season. This is not in itself a problem, as all staff members are required to receive an updated flu shot each year, however an issue has come to my attention regarding certain developments in R&D.

These developments may or may not be coffee related, or more specifically, lack thereof. Do Not Panic. In the wise words of John Cleese: the wings are not on fire.

On the advice of certain well-respected parties, we are mandating that no one, and I repeat no one, with no exceptions, touch their computers or keyboards or anything at all, in an effort to contain possible contamination and the further spread of disease over publicly used surfaces.

Consider yourselves under quarantine until furthur notice. Do not reply to this email. No not pass go, do not collect $200. Since I know that absolutley no one can be trusted to actually listen to me, I am pulling the plug on the internal network after this message goes out.

Programming will continue as normal once the threat of contamination has been averted.

Thank you for your cooperation. That is all.

 

 

Director X  


**Executive Director**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

 


	5. November 14th, 2016

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Third Full Memo of Elfscouts 2016.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from Agent M: To clarify, Q did all of the coding, so the emails read from top to bottom, unlike the traditional thread of bottom to top. Please read this top to bottom. If you want to read bottom to top, you may. You may also become extremely confused, but that's on you.
> 
>  
> 
> Written by: The JAEGR Task Force  
> Directed by: The JAEGR Task Force  
> Performed by: The JAEGR Task Force  
> Edited by: Intern J

  
****

# MONDAY MEMO

****

On Mon, Nov 14th, 2016 at 9:04 AM, Director X [director_x@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

11.14.2016

  


To all,

Good Morning.

I greet you once more on this Monday with the relief I am sure you all feel since our Quarantine is lifted. You may all once more return to your computers and the public work venues and remove the gas masks.

The first order of business is that we have begun to run the serial on **CODA: Director’s Cut** (attached) thanks to Emissary S, Commander C, and the preliminary efforts of some of our Interns. In accordance with S and C’s wishes, the Director’s Cut will be updated on Fridays and Mondays until there is nothing left of it and we can bury **CODA** forever. I know many of you will be happy about this. In accordance with **CODA** ’s completion, we will power down Facilitator D, Secretary E, and Sir U next week in the basement. If you have any final messages, please leave them with us this week before you once more return to hibernation. 

To All Agents: Next week signifies the beginning of the Check-in Period for ELFSCOUTS 2016. Starting on November 20th and extending to November 27th. During that time, our agents will be able to fill out and submit their check in form informing us of their progress, status, and can opt - in or out of the Cookie Acquisition Project for this year. We will also be launching the Cookie Acquisition Project to the greater Tr1ptych audience. All Initiates and Operatives here at Tr1ptych need to submit their final agent lists to me with progress reports and plans of action before Friday when you are to email your agents with these forms and further information. There will be a sign up sheet in the Breakroom this week for any who are interested in tracking down Rogue Agents who do not submit their forms to either confirm their disappearance or _confirm their disappearance._ We will run field tests this weekend for any who apply for this position.

Special Unit Q requested that I ask the office if we should once more hold a Holiday Greeting Cards Exchange this year. Please reply to Special Unit Q with your answer. Do not reply to this Memo with your response. We will be continuing the Scout Cards exchange with our Agents as well in concurrence with this. Information about Scout Cards should be included in the messages to your agents around the Check-in period. 

There was also a request that we once more do a Secret Santa exchange like we did last year in the office. I am asking now before Special Unit Q designs the recipient generator who would like to participate in this exchange. You may reply to this Memo with your response.

We evaluated the results from the questionnaire last MEMO and the quiz scores and realized they were entirely unnecessary any more considering the arrival of the new coffee machine from S. Rest assured, the need for reevaluation and reprogramming is no longer present.

Last week, Doctor R once more brought to my attention that, with the arrival of Elfscouts, we enter the typical holiday season that incorporates a number of theologies in celebration around the Earth. A petition was placed on the message board for a Pageant to take place in the office. If you want to have a Pageant, sign the petition.

Lastly, I, along with the rest of the office, would like to extend gratitude to Emissary S for bringing in the new coffee machine to replace Herbert. If you have not already verbalized your gratitude to Emissary S, please do so before the end of today. This is mandatory. 

That is all for Monday Announcements.

  


Cordially,

Director X

**Executive Director**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

[ CODA: Director's Cut.PDF ](https://padlet-uploads.s3.amazonaws.com/prod/140175705/8e4c82e9057fc1b3cecae453521f6b2c/CODA___DIRECTOR_S_CUT___CYCLE_1.pdf)  
  


On Mon, Nov 14th, 2016 at 9:05 AM, Emissary S [emissary_s@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

X, thanks for that killer email. I was actually very surprised to see how much you all loved the coffee machine. I figured it would be a pretty good call, considering no one really seemed functional without the coffee stuff, to bring something in. New guy on the block, bring in a Nuova Simonelli. Made sense.

Q, definitely sign me up for the Secret Santa. I wasn’t here last year but it sounds like fun. Also, I’ll definitely go for those Holiday cards if you promise to send me one.

Also, just because it was late due to some mechanical issues, the initial audio version of the Director’s Cut wasn’t included in the initial post. I have attached it below if people are interested in it and I’ll be adding it to the future installments. I let Intern J do the editing on it, so it sounds boss.

\- Emissary S

**PROJECT 2017**  
The New Guy  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

[ CODA: Director’s Cut.mp4 ](https://soundcloud.com/tr1ptych/directors-cut-cycle-1)

On Mon, Nov 14th, 2016 at 9:07 AM, Director X [director_x@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

S, they’ll never forget you after this. I may never forgive you for this.

  


Cordially,

\- Director X

**Executive Director**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Nov 14th, 2016 at 9:08 AM, Emissary S [emissary_s@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

X, I’ll roll with it.

\- Emissary S

**PROJECT 2017**  
The New Guy  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Nov 14th, 2016 at 9:10 AM, Doctor R [doctor_r@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

I just want to say that the **CODA** : Director’s Cut - CYCLE 1 is an absolute delight to read and I am truly enjoying your narrative, S. I also want to say thank you, again, for bringing in the new coffee machine, which has truly changed the office and brought us out of the Great Depression from the last two weeks. You’re more than welcome among us.

Also yes! Christmas Pageant! I already figured it would be fun to have in the office for everyone to feel a bit of that festive spirit.

Q, please definitely put my name in the generator! I loved doing the Secret Santa last year and I’m absolutely willing to do it again this year. Everyone should do it.

-Doctor R  
  
**Executive of R &D**  
Public Relations  
Project BABEL  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Nov 14th, 2016 at 9:15 AM, Administrator P [administrator_p@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

R, honey. We can’t have a Christmas Pageant. If we have it in the office, it has to be non-denominational. Remember, one world does not mean one religion, or any religion in some cases (like mine).

S, the Director’s Cut is hilarious. Can you narrate everything from now on?

Q, count me in for the Secret Santa as well.

\- Administrator P

**Public Relations & Project DUOS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Nov 14th, 2016 at 9:17 AM, Unit Q [unit_q@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

I first would like to say that I am proud of all of us for getting through the last two weeks of strife and turmoil. It has not been easy on us, and I will admit I did not perform admirably under the stress and destruction that the office and our general dispositions suffered. That being said, I am glad we have all come through this as better, more mature people.

S. Thank you for bringing in the coffee machine and for your work on the Director’s Cut. Even if some of your sarcasm is a little over the top. I will put your name in for the Secret Santa. Holiday card pending… 

\- Special Unit Q  
  
**#PROJECT Division** & **ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Nov 14th, 2016 at 9:22 AM, Commander C [commander_c@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Thank you so much for the informative Memo, X! We’re all looking forward to the Check-in week coming up and seeing how our agents and operatives are doing on the field. I have taken the liberty of signing everyone up on the sheet in the Breakroom so that trials over the weekend will also double as Professional Development Team Building Exercises. I know how much we all enjoy spending time together, so I ensured we’ll all be together for some good, hard, bloody bonding work trials. These are mandatory ヽ(;^o^ヽ)

S, I cannot explain properly how grateful I am that you have brought in such a wonderful new addition to our team. I’m sure she will eventually be named properly, but I figured XENA would be a good name for our new Coffee Hero in the interim. I can already tell that you will be an essential and vital addition to The JAEGR Task Force and Tr1ptych. We are all excited to see you and if you ever need anything, please do not hesitate to let me know. I am here for you, S. Always, all ways.

R, I agree with P on the Pageant and, in the case that we do make it non-denominational, I am absolutely interested in it.

Q. I hope you already have submitted my name for both the Holiday cards and the Secret Santa. If you haven’t, I question the nature of our friendship and its values.

-Commander C  
  
**Commander and Chief of ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Nov 14th, 2016 at 9:26 AM, Emissary S [emissary_s@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Q, was that a compliment? Have I finally fallen into your good graces? Is the tsundere over and we can finally come together and hold hands and gaze at each other fondly?

C, glad you like XENA. I like the name, and I’ll definitely come up for some of those snacks you stash in your desk. However, it’s kind of rough that we’re all going to be put through field trials this weekend. I was planning on going BASE jumping.

\- Emissary S

**PROJECT 2017**  
The New Guy  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Nov 14th, 2016 at 9:31 AM, Facilitator D [facilitator_d@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

01001001 00100000 01100011 01100001 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01100111 01101111 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100010 01100001 01110011 01100101 01101101 01100101 01101110 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110000 01101111 01110111 01100101 01110010 00100000 01100100 01101111 01110111 01101110 00101110 00100000 00100000 01001001 00100000 01100001 01101101 00100000 01110011 01110100 01101001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01110111 01101111 01110010 01101011 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110111 01101001 01110100 01101000 00100000 01010010 00101110 

\- 01000100 

**Jeongsindan**  
Division D.E.U.X.  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Nov 14th, 2016 at 9:33 AM, Doctor R [doctor_r@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Yes, that is true. Just on that note though, everyone should still be mindful that you’re only working with me now though and that side projects should be delayed until Division D.E.U.X. is powered back up for operation next year.

S, I think he’s still tsundere.

-Doctor R  
  
**Executive of R &D**  
Public Relations  
Project BABEL  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Nov 14th, 2016 at 9:40 AM, Unit Q [unit_q@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

For the record, I am not nor have I ever been tsundere. In fact, Q has a girlfriend and is in a perfectly healthy and happy relationship, which should not be questioned or disputed because of fantasies that may or may not be held by _certain_ members of this office. Q would also like to request that any proverbial subtext about my communication or actions with S not be interpreted according to whatever psychological fanfiction observational skills that have been acquired or perceptions that are specific to ‘shipping goggles.’

For the record, a fence is currently being straddled and the general disposition towards such new members as Emissary S are still in debate. In short: you may think you have won me over, but do not confuse my general kind disposition as forgiveness for your previous rude and disrespectful behavior.

Even if you do bring me coffee from XENA.

\- Special Unit Q  
  
**#PROJECT Division** & **ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Nov 14th, 2016 at 9:43 AM, Agent M [agent_m@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

We named the new coffee machine XENA. Real or not real?

Q & R, I am willing to participate in both of your endeavors, but it must be a Holiday Pageant.

S, nice job.

\- Agent M

**ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Nov 14th, 2016 at 9:45 AM, Sir U [sir_u@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

54 69 6d 65 20 66 6f 72 20 73 6c 65 65 70 2e 20 20 48 61 73 20 61 6e 79 6f 6e 65 20 73 65 65 6e 20 45 3f

\- 53 69 72 20 55 

**Jeongsindan**  
Division D.E.U.X.  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Nov 14th, 2016 at 9:15 AM, Administrator P [administrator_p@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Wait, what do you mean? Is it missing?

\- Administrator P

**Public Relations & Project DUOS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Nov 14th, 2016 at 9:48 AM, Director X [director_x@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

No, it’s fine.

Did someone take down the sign-up sheet in the breakroom? I did not see it when I just went to visit XENA.

  


Cordially,

\- Director X

**Executive Director**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Nov 14th, 2016 at 9:55 AM, Administrator P [administrator_p@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Oops~

\- Administrator P

**Public Relations & Project DUOS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych


	6. November 21st, 2016

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Fourth Full Memo of Elfscouts 2016.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from Agent M: To clarify, Q did all of the coding, so the emails read from top to bottom, unlike the traditional thread of bottom to top. Please read this top to bottom. If you want to read bottom to top, you may. You may also become extremely confused, but that's on you.
> 
>  
> 
> Written by: The JAEGR Task Force  
> Directed by: The JAEGR Task Force  
> Performed by: The JAEGR Task Force  
> Edited by: Intern Team 7

  
****

# MONDAY MEMO

****

On Mon, Nov 21st, 2016 at 9:01 AM, Director X [director_x@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

11.21.2016

  


To all,

Good Morning.

The office has been once more restored to peace and balance over the past week as XENA proves her worth and utility. All requests to marry XENA are denied indefinitely (stop asking me). If you are grateful that we once more have a coffee machine, please contact Emissary S, considering he was the one that purchased XENA, not me. Stop talking to me about XENA.

Once more, I would like to remind the office that **CODA** : Director’s Cut, a final commentary on **CODA** is being posted by Emissary S and is being updated (haphazardly) on Mondays and Fridays. Emissary S has assured me that it will be completed before the deadline for ELFSCOUTS and I have promised that if he fails to do this, I will end him. Further news about **CODA** : Director’s Cut is that, until our interns are given proper passcodes for the computers, will only be in podcasts from now on, as creating transcripts is something no one has time for. The Director’s Cut can be found [here](%E2%80%9D).

This week is our Check-In Week for ELFSCOUTS. Congratulations to those of us on The JAEGR Task Force who sent out emails to their agents and contacted them. Again, the Check-In period spans from November 20th to the 27th. If your agent has not checked in by the end of the Check-In period, they are to be considered a fallen agent. Do not look for them. They are dead to us if they do not contact us within this week. No exceptions (though you may practice a period of mourning). All agents have been given a link to submit their check-in with the email they received. All agents should therefore have checked their email.

Check your emails.

With the completion of Check-In, we will be able to launch our Cookie Acquisition Project

for this year. The Cookie Acquisition Project will be explained in full next week after Check-In is over. Just a reminder that this year’s Cookie Acquisition Project (CAP) includes the letters of those agents who opted to display their requests in the case that someone would like to write something for them. This also means, of course, that it is possible that an agent might receive a cookie as well as their main gift fic. For those who wish to write Cookies for everyone, they are able to do so and we would love to accept them. We will also be unveiling a special Holiday Calendar for the month of December after Check-In. We hope it is useful.

With the onset of flu season, please remember that any of those in the office that display symptoms and threaten contamination will be screened by Doctor R and placed in quarantine for at least 48 hours. There is not an opt-out for this. Face masks and hand sanitizers are available in the breakroom or Commander C’s desk in the bottom drawer. Failure to adhere to quarantine procedure will result in being tasered by Agent M or Special Unit Q.

That is all for Monday Announcements.

  
  


Cordially,

Director X

**Executive Director**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

[ CODA: Director's Cut.Mp4 ](http://ssoserious.tumblr.com/private/152582514503/tumblr_ofy1iz9u7E1vjig1p)

On Mon, Nov 21st, 2016 at 9:03 AM, Commander C [commander_c@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Once again, a highly informative Memo, X. Your organizational skills are always much appreciated, though your coffee machine supply less so. Thankfully, Emissary S is here to step in where you fail. (Yes, this was a thinly veiled insult. Very thinly veiled. My coffee saturation levels have not yet reached maximum.)

I would like to point out that if said interns are forced to wait for passcodes as long as certain employees were denied coffee rights. . .well the less said, the better. Speaking of which, does anyone know when F is due back from the far side of the veil? I miss our little chats over gun cleaning.

On a happier note, I am exceedingly pleased to note that our Field Agents have been most diligent with their reports, and only a handful (if you've been spending too much time in R&D that is, and have a few extra appendages) are still missing. I'm curious as to the tracking capabilities of pangolins.

Now that CAP is almost underway, I have proceeded with my cap-knitting project, and you may all check your inboxes for monogrammed head gear. No complaints will be tendered. I would also like to point out that keeping one's head and other extremities properly warm may reduce the chance of falling ill. If nothing else, I'm testing a new insulator that should be taser-resistant. I'd like to give a big thank you to R for working with me on this.

-Commander C

  
**Commander and Chief of ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Nov 21st, 2016 at 9:17 AM, Unit Q [unit_q@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Good morning, office!

Thank you, X, for that wonderful weekly schedule update. I’ve been so proud of all of my agents who have checked in already and been responsible participants. I’m very excited to see what they submit and end up showing us.

I also have been following the Director’s Cut and have to admit that, while Emissary S initially started out with more than enough sarcasm and scathing humor, I do appreciate how much work and respect he shows during his commentary. It’s worth a listen (even if I find his voice irritating, along with his rambling sentences).

I want to thank everyone for completing the quizlet I sent around the office last week so I could match people up with their recipient for our office gift exchange. Everyone by now should have received their recipients. **DO NOT** tell your recipient that you have them and please try to be subtle when researching what you should get them for our Office Holiday Party. Again, _please_ do not spoil this for your recipient. The surprise is half the gift. Everyone loves that adrenalin rush and the subtle terror right before a pleasant surprise!

Also, no cadavers this year (even if R really likes them. We made that rule last year _for a reason_ ).

Regarding Inquisitor F, I can contact her later this week and get in touch about when she’ll be coming back. I already sent her an invitation for our Holiday Party after Reveals (when she would be coming back anyway to take over the 2017 Project). I think she’s in the Gobi at the moment though, so she might not have wifi. **#FirstWorldProblems.**

Also, whoever put the picture of Lucy Lawless on XENA gets a gold star for the week.

P.S. C & R, are you two doing weekend knitting parties again? Am I invited? I should be.

\- Special Unit Q  
  
**#PROJECT Division** & **ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Nov 21st, 2016 at 9:20 AM, Emissary S [emissary_s@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Okay, so we can’t just ask our recips what they want? That’s kind of stupid. What if we ask them and then induce a concussion and brief memory loss so they don’t _remember_ we asked them?

Also, kudos to the peeps who are doing ELFSCOUTS. You guys are rad. Keep it up.

Q, I am so touched. You know, for a minute there I thought I was losing you, but here you are. Returning that love. What can I give you in return? Socks? Mittens? A new holster? Couple bracelets? I’ve seen a few cool ones on ETSY.

BTW, no worries on F. She’s agreed to skype in when Q and C and I do the final commentary for Director’s Cut so she can explain a bit about Project CYPHR with Q. We can talk with her then. That way, we don’t bog her down with extra info and banal questions while she’s risking her life and having fun eliminating targets.

\- Emissary S

**PROJECT 2017**  
The New Guy  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Nov 21st, 2016 at 9:23 AM, Agent M [agent_m@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

S, if you were trying to be subtle, you’d have died in the field by now. Try harder.

Q, see me in my office. I need to discuss one of your agents and their status.

\- Agent M

**ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Nov 21st, 2016 at 9:24 AM, Unit Q [unit_q@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

S: _what did I just say about the gift exchange being a secret!_ I am not your boyfriend. I don’t even like you.

RE: F. Okay, that makes sense. Also, stop coming by my desk. It’s _weird_.

\- Special Unit Q  
  
**#PROJECT Division** & **ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Nov 21st, 2016 at 9:27 AM, Doctor R [doctor_r@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Thank you C, it was great fun testing the product! By the way, I have some super tasers in testing, if anyone would like to volunteer. Of course, if you end up in quarantine all bets are off!

I'd also like to warn my gift exchange recipient in advance that proper protective gear is generally a good idea. Although, you don't know who you are...this may present some difficulties. S, let's talk about that memory modification suggestion. I might have to go back to the drawing board. And don't listen to Q, I'd be happy to get a cadaver any day, any species.

Q, Of course you're invited to our knitting parties! We also have a new interested member, so that should be fun. Now that the CAP project is underway, we're thinking of branching out into HATs and maybe even SOCKs.

S, as I said before, tsundere.

-Doctor R  
  
**Executive of R &D**  
Public Relations  
Project BABEL  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Nov 21st, 2016 at 9:31 AM, Emissary S [emissary_s@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

M, how do you know I’m not just hitting on my boyfriend? I’m allowed to ask him what eh wants for the holidays, aren’t I? I’m supposed to get him shit. That’s how dating works, you know.

Q. I see the tsundere has returned. You told me you liked me the other day.

R. should I come down to you in R&D or do we want to meet in secret places to talk of secrets?

\- Emissary S

**PROJECT 2017**  
The New Guy  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Nov 21st, 2016 at 9:33 AM, Administrator P [administrator_p@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

NO CADAVERS. THE LAST TIME WE KEPT THEM IN THE BASEMENT THEY ROTTED AND THE WHOLE OF TR1PTYCH STANK FOR MONTHS. I VETO THIS. NO MORE DEAD BODIES UNLESS DIRECTOR X ACTUALLY APPROVES THE BUDGET FOR A MORGUE TO BE PUT IN AND WE HAVE A PROPER PLACE TO PUT THEM. Before you get sassy with me, _no_ , a freezer is _not_ a good place to put them, especially since we keep experiencing power outages in the lower levels.

Sorry, I had to get that out first before my general sentiments. Thank you X for a wonderful MEMO again this week. I wanted to ask if people are opting for a dress code for this year’s December Month. Last year we all wore white, gray, or black to reflect the weather patterns of the Norther Hemisphere as it was cast into the Eternal darkness of winter. Any ideas for this year? I was thinking we could go with red, gold, and green, which are all colors that are far more alive (green = plants, gold = sun, red = blood of our enemies and loved ones). Please email your ideas to me outside of this thread.

Also, just a reminder that, as much as I love to watch these conversations go by, I’d prefer to see them in the messenger system or on our website chat page, _not_ in the MEMO. Important stuff only, please. I didn’t design that website with R for nothing.

\- Administrator P

**Public Relations & Project DUOS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Nov 21st, 2016 at 9:38 AM, Unit Q [unit_q@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

S: I said I liked your commentary, not you. It praises me and my many under-appreciated talents, you irk me. There is a difference. I still don’t like you.

R: Excellent! I have a few new yarns I’ve been meaning to share with you guys _and_ I found a great site that sells knitting kits with excellent patterns and beautiful materials. I’ll bring my stuff by if you’re interested. I think I’m sticking to the sweaters this year, but you two go ahead on your new projects~ Also, yeah. No cadavers. You didn’t have to clean those up. I did.

RE: F. I can just text her and she can get back to us. We don’t have to wait until the final of Director’s Cut for F to get back to us on this.

X, did you get my post it?

\- Special Unit Q  
  
**#PROJECT Division** & **ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Nov 21st, 2016 at 9:42 AM, Commander C [commander_c@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

look at these precious boys flirting 

While rambling sentences are generally not advisable, sometimes they are necessary to express the emotion of the moment; I myself find a little _Leaves of grass_ enjoyable at times.

I'll just let everyone know in advance that pangolin accessories are always welcome. I'd also like to add that cadavers really lower the tone of the place, and we should perhaps save them for D.E.U.X. initiatives, as they're properly equipped to handle S. Level 2 and up items.

Please send my love to F, and tell her that I miss her every morning at the range. I'm looking forward to the final commentary!

Of course you're invited Q! As R said, we have a new member, and I'm really looking forward to the HAT development phase. We can swap ideas; I have some really interesting pangolin sweater patterns if i recall.

P, I have sent you a message regarding dress codes. Thanks for taking the initiative! 

-Commander C  
  
**Commander and Chief of ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Nov 21st, 2016 at 9:45 AM, Doctor R [doctor_r@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Tsundere.

All of you just want to ruin my fun. What did those cadavers ever do to you? Nothing. They can’t do anything because they’re _cadavers_

.

-Doctor R  
  
**Executive of R &D**  
Public Relations  
Project BABEL  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Nov 21st, 2016 at 9:49 AM, Emissary S [emissary_s@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

I am my commentary though, so technically you do like me if you like my commentary. And I praised you, which means you do enjoy me to some degree. You like praise, I give you praise, you like me. Pretty sure that’s how it works.

Seriously, bro. Don’t text her. She’s got shit to do. Let her do it.

You never text me.

\- Emissary S

**PROJECT 2017**  
The New Guy  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Nov 21st, 2016 at 9:51 AM, Administrator P [administrator_p@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Seriously. We have an office SLACK for a reason. _Use the messenger_. Or the website. I keep hearing M’s message alert going off and I know I don’t like when he gets fed up with this system, and I’m never the target of his irritation. Why are you doing this to yourselves?

\- Administrator P

**Public Relations & Project DUOS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Nov 21st, 2016 at 9:53 AM, Emissary S [emissary_s@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Q, what kind of texting apps do you use? Kkt? Line? WhatsApp? Viber?

\- Emissary S

**PROJECT 2017**  
The New Guy  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Nov 21st, 2016 at 9:55 AM, Unit Q [unit_q@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Sorry, P. I know you’re a pacifist. I am not trying to drag you into this.

S: I’m not texting you. I’m allowed to text F if I want to.

\- Special Unit Q  
  
**#PROJECT Division** & **ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Nov 21st, 2016 at 9:56 AM, Emissary S [emissary_s@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Q, if you had an amazon gift card, what would you get?

\- Emissary S

**PROJECT 2017**  
The New Guy  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Nov 21st, 2016 at 9:57 AM, Emissary S [emissary_s@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Q, if you had one million dollars, what would you get?

\- Emissary S

**PROJECT 2017**  
The New Guy  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Nov 21st, 2016 at 9:58 AM, Unit Q [unit_q@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

S: a restraining order.

\- Special Unit Q  
  
**#PROJECT Division** & **ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Nov 21st, 2016 at 10:01 AM, Administrator P [administrator_p@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Ice cold, man. I didn’t even know you could go that far.

\- Administrator P

**Public Relations & Project DUOS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Nov 21st, 2016 at 10:03 AM, Agent M [agent_m@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

All of you have work you should be doing. Get off the emails and do your jobs.

S, where is your desk?

\- Agent M

**ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Nov 21st, 2016 at 10:07 AM, Emissary S [emissary_s@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

M: I’m just trying to get to know my boyfriend a little better. Also, I work from home, considering I’m not set in the office as active until PROJECT 2017.

For the record, I am working. I am doing my job. And X is my boss.

\- Emissary S

**PROJECT 2017**  
The New Guy  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Nov 21st, 2016 at 9:15 AM, Director X [director_x@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Everyone get off the emails. This is not a social feed. This is a newsletter MEMO.

S. You’re right, I am your boss. Knock it off.

R: No Cadavers. I’m sorry, I know. I liked them too, but the board declined our budget request again. Next year perhaps.

To all: Please reply to P’s request concerning December dress code. I am also putting up a list for nominations of colors in the breakroom. Do not take it down until Nov 31st.

P.S. Q likes honey badgers, black holes, SLUMBERJACK, and Kurosawa films. I like unsweetened chocolate, wind chimes, and antique historical weapons with unique histories. I also like those little kits where you assemble tiny ships inside glass bottles. In case anyone was asking, now you know. Back to work.

  


Cordially,

\- Director X

**Executive Director**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych


	7. November 28th, 2016

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Fifth Monday Memo of ELFSCOUTS 2016.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from Agent M: To clarify, Q did all of the coding, so the emails read from top to bottom, unlike the traditional thread of bottom to top. Please read this top to bottom. If you want to read bottom to top, you may. You may also become extremely confused, but that's on you.
> 
>  
> 
> Written by: The JAEGR Task Force  
> Directed by: The JAEGR Task Force  
> Performed by: The JAEGR Task Force  
> Edited by: Intern Team 7

  
****

# MONDAY MEMO

****

On Mon, Nov 28th, 2016 at 9:00 AM, Director X [director_x@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

11.28.2016

  


To all,

Good Morning.

While we had our first bout of quarantine a few weeks back, apparently it was only the first attack. This week will be the onset of the Office Quarantine protocol, seeing as ‘flu season’ has arrived along with the ‘holiday season.’ All agents are to be screened upon entry of the premises by Doctor R and Administrator P before gaining clearance onto the floors. If agents are contaminated, they will be placed in seventy-two hour quarantine until contamination threat passes. The quarantine tanks are very nice. Do not be afraid.

Hand sanitizer and immune boosters are available at your local convenience and drug store. I will not be supplying the office with them (nor will the board of directors).

This week marks the end of the check-in period for ELFSCOUTS. All rogue scouts have been taken care of and I am glad to say our ranks have remained strong. We now enter the final assignment period where agents will have until **Thursday, December 15th, 2016 23:59 SST** to submit their final mission reports. Reminder that the total final word count must be at least **1,500 words**. We have been excited to see that some agents have already completed their assignments and submitted their mission reports. Excellent work, agents.

With the end of Check-in, we can finally launch our Cookie Acquisition Project (CAP). The Cookie Acquisition Project is open to anyone who wishes to participate. Unlike ELFSCOUTS, writers will not get a specific recipient, but we will make the agent’s letters available in the case that a cookie writer wishes to write for a specific recipient. This is not required. Cookies must be at least **1,000 words** to qualify for submission and are due on **Saturday, December 24th 2016 23:59 SST**. Cookies are not required to adhere to the agent’s letters and can be written according to a CAP initiate’s own preference and be submitted to ‘everyone’ rather than one specific recipient.

For any interested in participating in CAP but searching for inspiration, we have another surprise. For the month of December, we will be hosting a ‘HOLIDAY COUNTDOWN’ with inspirational material assembled by The JAEGR Task Force. The Holiday Countdown offers one piece of inspiration each day in the form of audio, prompt, or mood board. The Holiday Countdown is entirely open for interpretation and is designed to help people who are struggling for ideas. It can be used for CAP, the ELFSCOUTS assignments (with respect to the recipient’s letter), or for anyone who finds it useful. The ‘HOLIDAY COUNTDOWN’ has been attached to this email for any who did not already get the link on Friday asking for adjustments and feedback.

**CODA:** Director’s Cut continues to be updated. This week will see Emissary S publishing CYCLE 5 from Quarantine, as he was placed there upon arriving at the office this morning. Emissary S came to the office to confirm that Unit Q and Commander C will be joining him in the final commentary before the interns transported him to a Quarantine Tank. No one is to release him until Doctor R clears him.

Lastly, I want to clarify that the Holiday Bake Off _is_ cancelled this year. After last year’s accidental fire, the Board has banned us from repeating the event, at least while the investigations of arson are still ongoing. The Interns were discussing a bake sale instead where the baked goods are prepared _before_ being brought to the office, but the consensus agreed that was ludacris. Thus, we will only be having our Holiday Party at the end of the month.

That is all for Monday Announcements.

  
  


Cordially,

Director X

**Executive Director**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

[ HOLIDAY COUNTDOWN.docx ](https://padlet.com/tr1ptychmod/27qj5pvjjouv)   
[ CODA: Director’s Cut - CYCLE 4.mp3 ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8566834/chapters/19936870)

On Mon, Nov 28th, 2016 at 9:14 AM, Commander C [commander_c@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Good morning everyone,

Thank you for that delightful email to start us all off, Director X. I for one cannot stress enough that proper hygiene and preventative health care are essential at this time of year. Though I am sad to hear that Emissary S has already been sent to Quarantine, I hope that we all learn to never believe that we may not be susceptible to become carriers of disease. After all, it wasn’t just the rats that carried the plague and transmitted it.

Regarding Quarantine, I just got back from my morning coffee with Doctor R down in R&D and am sad to inform the office that Unit Q, who had contact with Emissary S on the way to work, has also been placed in a Quarantine Tank until further notice. As we all know the Quarantine Tanks do not allow for communication in or out and are operated by magnetized locks, we will not be hearing from either of them during their confinement. Sadly, the office will be absent of their dulcet tones screaming at each other across the office as they argue and play out their real life shounen drama.

I am extremely excited and proud of all of our agents who made it through Check-in and are still with us. Especially excited to have a few agents already completed and submitted. I can only hope that they might be interested in joining the Cookie Acquisition Project. Last year was such an amazing success and I can only imagine what sort of scrumptious delectables we might see this year.

I also have taken the liberty of picking up the new assortment of holiday coffees from Starbucks for XENA and the rest of the office, considering Director X hasn’t done so yet. You’re all welcome and can stop trying to steal from my desk now. To all of those who have sustained severe burns for trying to get into the bottom drawers, you should have known better.

-Commander C

  
**Commander and Chief of ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Nov 28th, 2016 at 9:43 AM, Agent M [agent_m@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

I will not be in the office today. I’m taking preventative measures against all of you infected who have chosen not to enact self-quarantine. I will be working from home today and am available for video conference in the case of emergency.

\- Agent M

**ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Nov 28th, 2016 at 10:27 AM, Doctor R [doctor_r@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

That’s very considerate of you, M. Thank you for not getting all of us sick.

I want to personally express my disappointment that the bake off has been cancelled (I had some seriously killer muffins I wanted to try out on people). There’s always next year, at least once the arson investigation is over.

I never thought I’d miss the sounds of Unit Q and Emissary S screaming at each other between floors, but I will be the first to say it is oddly silent. Not entirely silent though, considering their Quarantine Tanks are beside each other and so far Q has already started shouting. I feel like this will be a good bonding experience for them both, if not an exercise in observation (for them and myself). C, I raise you a package of chocolate covered ginger.

I also took down all of the post-it note surveys written ‘anonymously’ for the secret santa clues, and advise that whoever keeps trying to facilitate their ‘investigation’ that way stop immediately. Also, I want to remind everyone that the interns are _not_ to be used for research. If I can’t use them, neither can any of you.

I did pick up powdered donuts on the way to work this morning. Gluten-free, dairy-free, casin-free, and egg-free deliciousness is on the Break Room table beside XENA for anyone interested. I’ve already have four.

Reminder that next week is Silence, meaning no holiday music post-1900 is to be played over the comms. If you have music you would like to contribute, please email me and I’ll put it on the list.

-Doctor R  
  
**Executive of R &D**  
Public Relations  
Project BABEL  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Nov 28th, 2016 at 11:33 AM, Administrator P [administrator_p@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Good morning Tr1ptych,

Thanks again for the email, Director X. I hope everyone stays healthy this week and we don’t succumb to influenza. Just as a health memo, I have attached an informational video to help people remember proper coughing and sneezing protocol. If Director X will allow it, I’ll assign the interns to run data collection on who is and is not demonstrating proper hygiene protocol in the office. The results could end in another Saturday Training (or not).

C & R: if you don’t open up this betting pool I’m going to start one about which one of you will start writing them.

M. You’re the true hero.

\- Administrator P

**Public Relations & Project DUOS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

[ Coughing/Sneexing Protocol.avi ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CtnEwvUWDo0)

On Mon, Nov 28th, 2016 at 11:40 AM, Director X [director_x@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

To all,

No betting pools. The last time we ran a betting pool, it turned into a deadpool. They’ve been banned.

  


Cordially,

\- Director X

**Executive Director**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Nov 28th, 2016 at 11:43 AM, Agent M [agent_m@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Director,

If I remember correctly, you were the one that started the deadpool.

\- Agent M

**ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Nov 28th, 2016 at 11:48 AM, Director X [director_x@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

M: I was. The board of Directors didn’t like it though. This is also why the intern protection act was introduced before we got interns this year.

  


Cordially,

\- Director X

**Executive Director**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Nov 28th, 2016 at 11:33 AM, Administrator P [administrator_p@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Good morning Tr1ptych,

X. Don’t be sad. This way, we don’t have to get replacements every week. And we don’t have to worry about the cadaver accumulation in R’s labs.

\- Administrator P

**Public Relations & Project DUOS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Nov 28th, 2016 at 12:27 PM, Doctor R [doctor_r@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

P. You say that like the cadaver surplus was a bad thing. Also, like X said, there are no betting pools. Therefore, no, you cannot join ours.

-Doctor R  
  
**Executive of R &D**  
Public Relations  
Project BABEL  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Nov 28th, 2016 at 11:43 AM, Agent M [agent_m@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

R. It was a bad thing.

\- Agent M

**ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych


	8. December 12th, 2016

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Sixth Monday MEMO of ELFSCOUTS 2016.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from Agent M: To clarify, Q did all of the coding, so the emails read from top to bottom, unlike the traditional thread of bottom to top. Please read this top to bottom. If you want to read bottom to top, you may. You may also become extremely confused, but that's on you.
> 
>  
> 
> Written by: The JAEGR Task Force  
> Directed by: The JAEGR Task Force  
> Performed by: The JAEGR Task Force  
> Edited by: Intern Team 7

  
****

# MONDAY MEMO

****

On Mon, Dec 12th, 2016 at 9:01 AM, Director X [director_x@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

12.12.2016

  


To all,

Good Morning.

Firstly, I would like to clarify that this email is not to be replied to. As this is the final week of ELFSCOUTS, I expect everyone to verify the information in this MEMO and then proceed about their various tasks. Any and all other initiatives and projects should be discussed on their relevant threads. To confirm that you have read the MEMO _properly_ , I have placed the verification code I require in the email. You must reply to this email with that code. The only exception to this is Inquisitor F, who is still currently in the Transition Hour Incubation Neuro-Kelvin (THINK) Tank with Emissary S and other members of the Project 2017 team.

The most exciting and happy news this week is that Quarantine has finally been lifted and we are all, once more, allowed access to our various equipments and social interaction is permitted. It also means that we are behind by a week due to the tech quarantine and therefore I expect efficiency, professionalism, and everyone to _stop_ using post its on every surface. There are better ways to convey messages.

The first major order of business is the final deadline for ELFSCOUTS is on **December 15th, 2016 at 23:59 SST**. All participants are expected to [post](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/elfscouts2016/profile#post) their completed works to the ELFSCOUTS 2016 collection and to submit their [Final Completion Form](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScadA_oLKk9wpnGJbxKZYAw4g-vT3s_vfVrpTZKoI3EneD8cg/viewform#responses). The form is where participants may also submit their [**Scoutcards**](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/elfscouts2016/profile#scoutcards) if they wish to include them. For those who decided not to read the fine print, **Scoutcards** are small extra bonus features for the recipients of an agent’s work, customized by the agent and with connection to their gift. **Scoutcards** are not required but are, admittedly, fun. The Final Completion form includes a section to submit a **Scoutcard** if the agent desires to do so.

With the conclusion of the ELFSCOUTS writing period, we also will be wrapping up the [Cookie Acquisition Project](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/elfscouts2016/profile#cookies), whose deadline is **December 24th, 23:59 SST**. All Cookies must be submitted by that time or they will not be posted during the ELFSCOUTS posting period. Participation in the CAP is not restricted to the ELFSCOUTS agents, so please _Do Not_ under any circumstances reject Cookies if they come from outside our confidential Agent List.

After much anxiety and a few search warrants, we finally have located our interns. They were, inexplicably, on the roof. If anyone has information as to how they got there, please submit a report explaining. Email reply with the answer to the following: Why was Cinderella no good at football? Currently, the interns refuse to discuss the matter and look suspicious when asked. Do not interrogate the interns or employ information extraction methods. This is not a new rule at Tr1ptych.

Due to several projects Doctor R was conducting in R&D, it is still snowing. Wasting time playing in the snow is not permitted until after the ELFSCOUTS Deadline has passed. Doctor R has given permission to use the snow and the current R&D lab for our Holiday Party, as it is sure to be festive.

**CODA:** _Director’s Cut_ has been postponed for the last few weeks while Emissary S has been in quarantine. While we understand this may be frustrating for some, it has been unavoidable. As Emissary S was only released from quarantine over the weekend, the remainder of _Director’s Cut_ will be released in full this week. Regrettably, since both Emissary S and Inquisitor F are under 24/7 isolation in the THINK Tank in preparation for Project 2017, they will not be able to host an audio podcast for the final notes in _Director’s Cut_. Thus, Special Unit Q has offered to complete a broadcast or transcript instead and will post it when **CYCLE 5, 6,** and **7** have been posted. Thank you, Special Unit Q, for your sacrifice.

This concludes this week’s Monday MEMO. Next week, we may return with replies. I will be watching all of you this week. Closely.

  
  


Cordially,

Director X

**Executive Director**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

[ Final Submission Form.form ](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScadA_oLKk9wpnGJbxKZYAw4g-vT3s_vfVrpTZKoI3EneD8cg/viewform#responses)

On Mon, Dec 12th, 2016 at 9:05 AM, Agent M [agent_m@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

I don’t understand the riddle.

\- Agent M

**ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Nov 28th, 2016 at 9:08 AM, Doctor R [doctor_r@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Because her coach was a pumpkin.

-Doctor R  
  
**Executive of R &D**  
Public Relations  
Project BABEL  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Dec 12th, 2016 at 9:10 AM, Administrator P [administrator_p@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Good morning Tr1ptych,

Because her coach was a pumpkin. Stay alive, everyone!

\- Administrator P

**Public Relations & Project DUOS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Dec 12th, 2016 at 9:14 AM, Commander C [commander_c@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Good morning everyone,

Director X, the answer is: Because her coach was a pumpkin.

Wishing everyone good luck this week! Stay strong and don’t let the cold manifest in your heart and destroy you!

-Commander C

  
**Commander and Chief of ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Dec 12th, 2016 at 9:17 AM, Unit Q [unit_q@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Good morning, my darling Tr1ptych!

How long it has been. Sadly, now is not the time for catch up, as we’re all in a bit of a tight spot what with flu seasonal transition and deadlines fast upon us. Without further ado: Because her coach was a pumpkin.

Now I have one for you, X. Why did the Non-denominational Cookie go to the doctor?

Felicitously Festive!

\- Special Unit Q  
  
**#PROJECT Division** & **ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Dec 12th, 2016 at 9:20 AM, Director X [director_x@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

You aren’t supposed to keep the thread going, Q. No more riddles.

  


Cordially,

\- Director X

**Executive Director**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Dec 12th, 2016 at 9:26 AM, Agent M [agent_m@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

X. Because her coach was a pumpkin.

Q. Because it was feeling crummy.

For the record, those are both really lame riddles.

\- Agent M

**ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Dec 12th, 2016 at 9:31 AM, Director X [director_x@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

I didn’t ask you your opinion, M. I just asked the riddle for verification purposes. And for the record, they’re both hilarious.

  


Cordially,

\- Director X

**Executive Director**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Dec 12th, 2016 at 9:46 AM, Unit Q [unit_q@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

They’re hilarious, M, I have no idea what got into your coffee this morning but it sure wasn’t sweet.

Felicitously Festive!

\- Special Unit Q  
  
**#PROJECT Division** & **ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Dec 12th, 2016 at 10:02 AM, Agent M [agent_m@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

What do you call a dinosaur in hiding?

\- Agent M

**ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Dec 12th, 2016 at 10:07 AM, Director X [director_x@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

No more riddles. I only required the answer to my riddle.

  


Cordially,

\- Director X

**Executive Director**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Dec 12th, 2016 at 10:16 AM, Unit Q [unit_q@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

An inconspicusaurus?

\- Special Unit Q  
  
**#PROJECT Division** & **ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Dec 12th, 2016 at 10:21 AM, Agent M [agent_m@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

A doyouthinkhesawus.

\- Agent M

**ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Dec 12th, 2016 at 10:23 AM, Unit Q [unit_q@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

OH MY GOD, AGENT M WAS ACTUALLY HILARIOUS!

\- Special Unit Q  
  
**#PROJECT Division** & **ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Dec 12th, 2016 at 10:25 AM, Administrator P [administrator_p@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

I could actually hear Q laughing from my office and now I realize why I am just in shock. I feel like everything I knew about M has just come crashing down and my concept of reality is no longer stable.

\- Administrator P

**Public Relations & Project DUOS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych

On Mon, Dec 12th, 2016 at 10:28 AM, Commander C [commander_c@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

I always said Agent M was funny :) Let the truth set you free into the atmosphere of limited oxygen and suffocating euphoria! (And, because I can, I told you so)

-Commander C

  
**Commander and Chief of ELFSCOUTS**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych  


On Mon, Dec 12th, 2016 at 10:32 AM, Director X [director_x@tr1ptych.fea.st] wrote:

Yes. Hilarious. Now, everyone, kindly get back to work.

  


Cordially,

\- Director X

**Executive Director**  
The JAEGR Task Force  
Tr1ptych


End file.
